Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Faced with my Biggest Fear

My biggest fear is to have a child with special needs.

I made sure that if I was to have any children, I was going to be pregnant before I reach the age of 35 because the risk gets higher after that age. I made sure that I would have a healthy pregnancy, drink my prenatal vitamins religiously, and keep my OB appointments. I took the screenings and tests to make sure. BUT of all syndromes that my child can possibly have, it had to be the one that cannot be detected by the AFP and the Nuchal Translucency.

I prayed everyday for God to not give me a special child and at the same time I trusted and believed that he wouldn't... after all what are the odds right? Right.

1:50,000 births. That was the odds. I was the lucky 1 in 50,000 births.

The picture in my head is a child that will not forever speak, will never walk, will never get to call me mom. A child who will never be capable of anything. As a mom this pains me.... i cannot just kiss this disability away.

My biggest fear is to have a child with special needs.... my biggest fear is here and she's sleeping in my crib.

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